How to overcome the 3 blocks to forgiveness and forgive…
Initially I knew I wanted to let go of my anger but beyond talking about it, I didn’t know how. What I realised in the process of forgiveness, was that there were three fundamental blocks to my being able to forgive. These blocks had caused me to remain stuck and had hindered my efforts to forgive effectively. Initially, rather than acknowledging these as blocks to my being able to forgive, I felt entitled and chose to indulge them, thereby causing me even greater distress.
It was through trial and error, and a great deal of thought, that I realised I needed to adjust my approach if I wanted to be able to move past these blocks. Below I have outlined the approaches which helped me move towards forgiveness.
Our egos can be very fragile things. When someone hurts us it is natural for our sense of pride to be hurt also. Pride can make us want to seek revenge. Pride believes it is protecting us from future hurt by encouraging us to punish the other person. But there is one fatal flaw in prides logic. The person most hurt by punishing the other, and thereby holding onto pain and resentment, is us.
By acknowledging this truth, we can more effectively stop our pride from blocking our ability to forgive.
2) Hatred and resentment
Hatred is poisonous to the soul. If you feel hatred towards the perpetrator, seek to understand them better without any expectations of the impact it will have on your hatred. I have often found that no matter how horrible the offense, once I could understand the person in question, even just a little bit better, it reduced my hatred towards them. Consider the persons upbringing, history and present life conditions in an effort to better understand them*.
*Please note that understanding someone is not to be confused with condoning their behaviour.
Stay tuned for how to overcome the blocks of humiliation and shame next Monday.
Do you have any experiences with pride or hatred and resentment that have prevented you from forgiving someone in the past? How did not forgiving them impact you? Do you have any of your own tips to overcome our pride and hatred and resentment? Please share your thoughts in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you.
‘Forgiveness: How to make peace with your past and get on with your life’ by Sidney B Simon and Suzanne Somin