Monthly Archives: May 2017

The Rough Seas of the Roles We Inhabit and How to Calm the Waters Part Five

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Life role certificates; a fun keepsake


Once you have agreed on the expectations between you and the person in relation to your life role, you can then write it up, framing it for a fun and sentimental keepsake to keep in the kitchen or around the house.


Be as creative with it as you want, print it on weathered card for effect, experiment with fonts and even put a wax seal on it if that takes your fancy.


This serves as a reminder of how you can work together, finding compromise in a respectful way and will act as a template reminding you how to get the most out of your life role in such a way that it not only serves and supports you but others too.


How to successfully juggle life roles


This is where your core identity really comes into its own. Juggling life roles is never easy but it gets increasingly stressful and difficult if you are either wearing masks for each role and have no clear core identity. Your core identity will allow you to remain quintessentially yourself even though you may be switching between roles out of necessity.


A Message Just For You…

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In the lead up to the re-launch I have examined my writing and I have to say I cringed at some of it. I think part of being a writer is critiquing your own work and as you progress on your journey you learn new things. Looking back I feel like I’ve dropped the ball a bit. As some of you know I also work a nine to five and – if I’m really honest – in order to keep up with the volume of work I need to put out there I feel I’ve let the quality of my writing slide a bit. At times I’ve written almost on autopilot, sharing my knowledge on areas but in a way that, when I re-read it, seemed slightly dry and impersonal.


What’s more I felt that in some of my writing the tone has been hinting that I know it all and obviously have it all figured out – which couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m on a journey the same as everyone and the reason why I started this blog was because I genuinely wanted to share what has helped me along the way, in the hope it could help others.

So I wanted to apologize if you ever felt my tone was off key – this was never my intention and I want you to know I have a huge amount of respect for each and every one of you. Looking to foster more self awareness and growth in your life is a very courageous thing to do and you should be extremely proud of yourself for taking that step.


As of the 17th June I am taking six months off work to study, meaning I will have more time to dedicate to Accessible Psychology and my writing. I aim to use this time wisely to refocus my efforts and, as of August, there will be daily postings again and the site will be in full swing.

Please do let me know what you think of the new site and all of the social media channels; after all you are the heart and soul of Accessible Psychology and the only reason why I continue to do what I do.

Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead,

With much love and respect,

x X x Jenny x X x
























The Rough Seas of the Roles We Inhabit and How to Calm the Waters Part Four

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Life roles; how to have them serve and support you by bringing the subconscious or unspoken into the conscious and communicated


So how do you begin to shape your life roles so they serve and support you? The biggest way is to bring what is usually the subconscious or unspoken into the conscious and communicated. There are many approaches you could use to do this, but as it is an emotionally charged  topic it needs to be handled in a delicate and sensitive way using assertiveness, otherwise it could do more damage than good.


Remember, assertiveness is not about winning or getting your own way – it is about working together to find a mutually agreeable solution in such a way that it respects not only your rights but the rights of others.


Our rights


For a recap on our inherent rights take a look below:


“I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person, independent from any roles that I may assume in my life.” This right recognizes our existence beyond the roles we inhabit (whether they be that of a husband, wife, mother or father) and accepts we have priorities beyond the realms of those roles. We are all, at our core, individuals and this right highlights we should be treated as such. In truth, to have priorities for ourselves outside of the roles we inhabit is healthy as it promotes a sense of autonomy and individuality.


“I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.” This is one of our most basic rights and yet one that is violated all too often. Absolutely all of us deserve to be treated with respect.


Coming Soon… The New And Improved Accessible Psychology

The countdown is now officially on for the brand new Accessible Psychology. The new design will have a magazine style look and feel, letting you browse easily for whatever takes your fancy – from cultivating patience to boosting your productivity.


The new design will be launched early July but there will still be works taking place in the background whilst I add pictures to all of the 300+ articles I’ve written over the years. Full posting will be back up and running at the beginning of August and this is when all social media will be re-launched too. I’m just so excited to share with you the plans I have in store!


There will be monthly film and book reviews on character based, psychologically driven stories with a few self improvement books thrown in too, social media competitions to win the books featured in the reviews (so if you haven’t joined my Twitter or Facebook page, now is a great time) and even Twitter polls where you get to decide what content I share.


Do you have any features you would like me to add to the new and improved site? Please do get in touch by either clicking and commenting on this post or using my contact form and share your thoughts, I’d love to hear from you.

The Rough Seas of the Roles We Inhabit and How to Calm the Waters Part Three

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Life role expectations; how to avoid destruction and incompatibility


Your own subconscious expectations


One of the most subtle but debilitating ways our life roles can destroy us is by the subconscious emotional baggage that each of us carry, suddenly exposed when we take on new roles. I encountered this when in my previous marriage, but only recognized it as such in retrospect.


Has anyone ever told you that marriage changes everything? Well, this is what they are referring to, even though they may not be consciously aware of it. In truth, if you are an agnostic or atheist, marriage is just a piece of paper. However, beneath the surface often lies a psychological battle waiting to manifest itself once you sign on the dotted line. The good news? Once you are consciously aware of it, this battle loses all of its power over you, rendering it redundant.


The psychological battle and emotional baggage I am referring to? The subconscious expectations you place on yourself for each life role. Naturally you will have conscious expectations as to how the new role will play out however what I am speaking of goes much, much deeper.


In the case of marriage it originates from what your notion of a ‘good wife’ or ‘good husband’ is but it doesn’t stop there – the subconscious notions of what constitutes a good wife or husband stem from your parents, from how they modeled this role, to how happy their marriage was and even to how they spoke about it.


Indeed, the ways your parents modeled these roles to you have provided you with things you subconsciously believe to be a good wife or husband, or may have given you the belief that in order to be a good wife or husband you must avoid certain behaviors.  If neither of your parents were married, this might have subconsciously modeled indirect messages of what it means to be married, impacting how you see marriage itself.


The Rough Seas of the Roles We Inhabit and How to Calm the Waters Part Two

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Identity and life roles; how to avoid isolation and devastation


Throughout life there will be roles we inhabit which we identify strongly with, like being a parent or professional. Although it is healthy to identify with these roles, the old adage that too much of a good thing is bad for you can be quite true. The danger in identifying with any one role too greatly is, should the role dynamic change or even cease to be, it can devastate us. Have you ever heard of the ’empty nest’ syndrome? This is how it happens.


For me it happened when I identified too strongly with being a model, as soon as I no longer was one, I was depressed, as if part of me had ceased to exist. I soon found other roles to latch onto, which I now know only perpetuated the problem, rather than eradicating it by choosing to focus on my core identity instead.


On reflection the issues I had surrounding my identity were compounded by the fact I often hid behind different masks for the life roles I inhabited, never quite being authentic and revealing my core self. During those years it was a very lonely existence. It was as if the rough seas of my life roles had thrown me overboard and I was trying to swim against the tide, with my fear of intimacy battling against my authentic self so that I would remain masked and stay hidden.


Of course it is natural each life role you inhabit will draw on different elements to your character, but your core self should always be the captain of the ship, steering you on a calm course throughout each life role, letting your genuine character and authenticity shine.


The Rough Seas of the Roles We Inhabit and How to Calm the Waters Part One

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Throughout life there are many rough seas to navigate, but few catch us more by surprise than the savage waves of the life roles we inhabit. In today’s society, whereby we inhabit many roles, our lives are becoming increasingly complex and compartmentalized. At any given time you could be a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, professional, student, painter and patient. Juggling this can not only be exhausting but challenging too.


Moreover, each role brings with it subconscious emotional baggage, often played out in destructive ways, which take us completely by surprise. In this month’s series we will delve into the dark side of life roles – exploring the issues that create disasters and how to avoid them. Finally, we will examine the ways we can ensure our roles serve and support us, rather than define or destroy us.