Narcissism (series)

The Growing Epidemic Of Narcissism And Your Complete Guide On How To Deal With Narcissists Part Four

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Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

 

Last week we dealt with how to handle your narcissistic boss, co worker or friend. This week we examine what to do when your partner or family member is a narcissist, the two areas of your life where it is most difficult to be in relation with a narcissist.

 

When your partner is a narcissist

 

This is a tricky one. Narcissists are notoriously charismatic and charming and when their attention is on you, you feel like the center of the universe. They will stop at nothing to woo you and will pull out all sorts of grandiose romantic gestures to have you under their spell and captivated by their charms.

 

Why do they do this? Well, I’m glad you asked. They want to win you over so you will be intoxicated by them, shower them with adoration and place them on a pedestal – which ultimately feeds into their sense of superiority and entitlement. Actually, they often perceive that their status has increased after ‘conquering’ you because they only pursue people who are perceived by others as attractive, cool and desirable – this is known as the trophy syndrome. As you can see, nothing can be taken on face value when dealing with a narcissist as there is almost always an ulterior motive, however well hidden.

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The Growing Epidemic Of Narcissism And Your Complete Guide On How To Deal With Narcissists Part Three

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Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

 

So far we have covered the signs and symptoms of narcissism, this week we will look more in depth at what to do and how to deal with the narcissist in your life, whatever your relationship to them.

 

Whilst researching narcissism I discovered a fabulous article in The Huffington Post by Jeffrey Kluger, the author of ‘The Narcissist Next Door: Understanding the Monster in Your Family, in Your Office, in Your Bed — in Your World’.  Below are some useful tips for workplace narcissists, friends and family members that I gleamed from the article and some of my own tips on partners that will ensure you successfully avoid the minefields narcissists create, enabling you to deal with them more strategically and making your interaction with them that little bit easier.

 

When your boss is a narcissist

 

It’s highly likely that either you or someone you know will have had to deal with a boss who’s a narcissist at some point. Power is to narcissists what pollen is to bees and they gravitate to positions of authority faster than you can blink. Their charismatic charm, manipulative tactics and ability to make decisions autonomously usually allow them to climb up the career ladder unimpeded and as a result the majority of bosses out there are, well, narcissists.

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The Growing Epidemic Of Narcissism And Your Complete Guide On How To Deal With Narcissists Part Two

 

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Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

 

Last week we looked at the symptoms those with narcissism posses, this week we examine the signs to look out for in order to quickly spot narcissists. Here are the tell tale signs that the charismatic and engaging romantic interest / friend / co-worker you just met is actually a narcissist:

 

  • They are charming and likeable
  • They don’t always have to be extroverted
  • They are often found in positions of authority
  • They like to talk about themselves – A LOT
  • Appearance is very important to them
  • How they present themselves as people to others is VERY important to them
  • They consider their needs more important than yours and will meet them regardless of whether it hurts others
  • They almost never admit to their mistakes and/or apologize and if they do it is half-hearted false apology or incomplete because it is clarified by a justification for their behavior
  • They either lash out at criticism or distance themselves from you as a consequence
  • They usually have a history of broken relationships
  • They are more likely to cheat when in an established romantic relationship
  • Men are more likely to be narcissists than women
  • Can enjoy inciting negative emotions in others to receive attention and feed into their belief that they are powerful
  • They very rarely recognize they have any of these traits or are a narcissist at all

 

Again, not all of these signs will necessarily be evident; it all depends upon the severity of the narcissism.

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The Growing Epidemic Of Narcissism And Your Complete Guide On How To Deal With Narcissists Part One

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

 

Let me be frank – in the past I was a sucker for narcissists, I was even married to one. It was only through therapy that I realized how completely destructive and dangerous narcissism can be. Back then I wasn’t even aware of what narcissism was, let alone what a detrimental impact narcissists can have upon those they are close to.

 

Narcissists lack empathy for others and cannot see their own weaknesses or wrongdoings as this is too threatening to their sense of self; leading them to attack or distance themselves from those who confront them about their hurtful behavior – and, usually lacking empathy and regard for others – they hurt those they are close to more often than most.

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