developing lasting confidence
Make a comprehensive list of all your strengths and weaknesses as outlined in the ‘accept your weaknesses and strengths’ section of Monday’s series post. Once written down spend a few minutes on each item on the list of both your strengths and weaknesses, taking time to accept them as such without having them define you in terms of self-worth.
Create your very own ‘lifetime achievement award’ as outlined in the ‘recognize your achievements’ section of Monday’s series post, remembering to include both personal and professional achievements as well as interpersonal achievements (such as assertiveness, stress management and empathy skills).
The one thing I’ve found is that in many ways confidence increases with age. I’m not referring to the youthful type of confidence which verges on arrogance and is rife with insecurity; I’m speaking of the type of confidence that is calmly self-assured, the type that whispers rather than shouts.
The type which tells you that you are exactly who you were always meant to be and makes you comfortable in your own skin, making no excuses or apologies for who you are and realizing that if anyone objects it is of no consequence to you, it being more of a reflection upon them than you. This is internal confidence at its best.
For those in their twenties who do not share this type of internal confidence this may be reassuring however you needn’t just sit and wait for internal confidence to naturally develop as there are definite steps you can take to speed up this process.
Try this quick little exercise and you may well be on your way!
Today’s task is to take a look at last week’s exercise where you listed a situation you lack confidence in. Think of one example of how you can learn / train if needed and build up your experience in the relevant areas in order to foster more internal confidence with which to approach your situation in future.
When thinking of this, the following questions may be helpful:
- Can someone more experienced be your advisor or mentor?
- Are there professional courses you could take?
- Are there vocational courses you could take like assertiveness, hobby classes or skills based classes?
- Can you read about the situation or skills needed to better handle the situation, thereby learning?
- Can you create less scary situations whereby you can practice your new skills?
Today’s task is to take a look at last week’s exercise where you listed a situation you lack confidence in. Read ‘Assertiveness; A Journey Worth Taking’ and give one example of how you can be more assertive in similar situations in future. Then plan a group meeting and practice assertiveness techniques to foster more internal confidence, which will inevitably help you with your situation in future.
Today’s task is to take a look at last week’s exercise where you listed a situation you lack confidence in. Take a second to think of how you can stop comparing in order to foster more internal confidence with which to approach your situation in future.
Some tips and tricks to stop comparing are realizing that:
- There is never a fair comparison
- For a true comparisons you need to measure and this is almost always impossible when comparing people
- Comparisons rob you of joy
- Comparisons lead to either envy, insecurity or pride – not pleasant emotions by any means
Now for the real challenge – a comparison ban! For this week I challenge you to stop all comparisons yourself and others. I would also encourage you to stop comparing people completely and see the impact it has upon your wellbeing.
For those of us less confident being the center of attention can be hard, especially on big occasions like birthdays or even big events like weddings. The temptation is to avoid such gatherings but what you resist, persists, actually getting worse through the very act of avoidance.
In light of this today I wanted to challenge you to commit to organizing yourself a birthday party this year. It can be something as simple as a meal out or even drinks but the more people you invite the better to add a sense of occasion to the celebration and have you be the center of attention. If you could do this every year it would be amazing practice for other big events, like your graduation or even when you tie the knot!
We’ve all been there, surrounded by confident extroverts at a party, not quite knowing how to match their confidence but feeling as though you need to. Fear not, the answer is alarmingly simple! Ask questions and let them talk. Smile and ask some more. Before you know it they will be asking you questions in turn and hey presto, you are holding your own in conversation. If someone interjects, let them.
Don’t be afraid to voice your own opinion, even if it is different to theirs and give reasons for your perspective in a confident way whilst also allowing others room for their own differing opinions. Remember there is no wrong or right when it comes to opinions – just different perspectives – so remain true to who you are without any fear others may think you are wrong.