intimate relationships

How to ensure you don’t lose yourself in a relationship

Wow, I have ample experience of this one! When dating someone who is possessive and controlling or even when in a perfectly happy and healthy relationship it can be easy to adopt your partners way of thinking, behaving and even possibly feeling. In the honeymoon stages this can be natural as you are on your best behaviour and want to impress. Let me be clear though, this article doesn’t relate to the honeymoon stage – what I am referring to here is later on down the line when the rose tinted glasses are off and you are in a fully fledged relationship.

 

What I am speaking about is when your partner expresses a different opinion to you and you don’t vocalize your differing opinion, or when you agree to let your partner dictate what you do and when you do it. It might seem harmless enough but it is a slippery slope that can make you feel lost inside over time.

 

Here are my top tips for not losing yourself in your romantic relationship:

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How to preserve the romance in a relationship

One of the best ways to preserve the romance in any relationship is to let your partner know how much you appreciate them. Do thoughtful things that let them know you are thinking of them. If you are married with kids have designated date nights when it is just you in a romantic setting. Show each other your love in practical ways by doing the chores the other hates. Never ever forget to tell the other how much you love them, often and sincerely. And always remember their likes and dislikes.

 

For example, my boyfriend knows I find it hard to wake up in the morning so he keeps some galaxy chocolate beside my bed because he knows once he points to it in the morning I will wake up. Funny I know, but very thoughtful and sweet too.

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Why men should take the lead with the first move and commitment

Let me be straight, I’m all for equality and the feminist movement but when it comes to dating call me old fashioned but I think men should take the lead. This isn’t because I’m afraid to approach men, nor is it that I think it’s unladylike to do so, I simply think that for dating to work the man needs to pursue the woman and feel like he’s got a bit of a catch.

 

Moreover, if the woman pursues the man they will never know whether the man is genuinely interested or just looking for an easy date. When the man makes the first move with dating and commitment both partners know it is because there is a shared deep connection and a genuine desire to take the relationship to the next level. So next time, if someone tells you to go ahead and give that guy your number, maybe think twice before you do.

 

 

 

Why calm excitement trumps sweaty palms any day!

 

The sweaty palmed, racing heart, and adrenaline fueled love of the movies has a lot to answer for. The movie portrayal of an all or nothing romance often means a turbulent and high conflict relationship in real life, which all too many of us try to pursue only to be left with something comparable to a champagne hangover – good at the time but generally not worth it at all.

 

Research of healthy, successful, long term relationships that have stood the test of time has revealed that these couples shared one thing in common – calm excitement. Sound like an oxymoron? Well it actually makes a lot of sense. Calm excitement refers to feeling a sense of calm around your partner, a sense of being completely at ease whilst also having a quiet inner excitement that stems from wanting to make your partner happy and share your life together. It is this quality that research has shown to be an indicator that the relationship will be successful in the long term.

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Romance In Action: Make an action plan of the ways you will find a suitable partner

Read over ‘Top Tips for Meeting a Partner’ and make an action plan of how you aim to meet possible partners from the article or from your very own ideas. It may sound calculated to go about meeting someone in this way but if you’re like me you may not go out all the time (and in any case, those you do meet at a bar or a club are usually just looking for one thing). Quantify it in real terms, which clubs do you plan to join? Research those types of clubs local to you. If they meet on a Thursday night for example, do you have the time and money to go? Then all that’s left to do is join up!

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Romance In Action: List Your Ideal Relationship Dynamic

Listing your ideal relationship dynamic is essential, after all if you don’t know what you’re looking for how will you know when you’ve found it? HINT: the best relationships have half of their lives spent together and half of their lives apart. Do you want an equal relationship? What does that look like for you? Does it mean you share financial responsibilities? Does it mean you talk through conflict diplomatically and work towards a compromise? Keep your ideal relationship dynamic with your ideal partners qualities or ‘shopping list’ to strengthen your resolve to not settle for anything less.

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August’s Hot Topic – Romance Central

Next month’s series is all about how to cultivate healthy intimate relationships and get the most out of your love life! I’ve designed the series so it’s just as applicable for singletons seeking relationships as for those already in relationships and I’m really excited to share some tips and tricks to keep the spark, deep connection and appreciation between you and your partner alive.

 

In this series we will explore:

 

 

  1. Warning signs to look out for that you are in a toxic or abusive relationship
  2. Unhealthy relationship models – the dynamics that foster unhealthy intimate relationships and why
  3. Unhealthy relationship behaviors and how to avoid them
  4. Healthy relationship model – the dynamic that fosters healthy fulfilling intimate relationships
  5. Healthy relationship behaviors; how and why they nurture your relationship (including the brownie points game)

 

I’m so excited to hear your thoughts on this series as they weeks pass by, please do comment! I have to say this was by far one of the most enjoyable series to write and I hope it will guide you towards a fun, loving and fulfilling intimate relationship or serve to strengthen your existing one.

 

Wishing you all a truly wonderful week!

 

x X x Jenny x X x