letting go and moving on

Letting Go In Action: Month Long News and Politics Ban

As well as introducing positive behaviors, there will invariably be existing negative behaviors which will exasperate negativity. Commit to avoiding the news and seeing, watching or talking about anything political for the next thirty days, you will be astonished at the impact this will have.

 

Instead, use the time you would have spent watching or reading the news watching inspiring TED Talks (see my Top TED Talks page) or reading personal development sites such as Accessible Psychology, Positively Positive or Tiny Buddha.

 

See the uplifting impact these sites have and notice if gradually your mood is lifting, even better, if you are perhaps beginning to see the future with a renewed sense of hope.

 

What impact do you think this exercise would have upon your life? Will you be taking a month long ban from news and politics? Will you be watching more positive media over the next month? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Letting Go In Action: Look to the future with hope and optimism

When we have already let go and are in the process of moving on we benefit from looking to the future with hope and optimism. This is very hard in practice but it is possible. Please only follow today’s exercise if you feel you are well on your way to letting go and moving on as increasing our hope, optimism and overall positivity is only advisable when you have properly mourned your loss, otherwise it can extend the grieving process.

 

Please read my article titled ‘How to Avoid A Negative Downward Spiral by Using the Power of Positivity’ and resolve to do three of the behaviors from the article to cultivate a more optimistic view of the future.

 

Do you feel emotionally ready to do today’s exercise? If so, which three behaviors did you choose to adopt? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Letting Go In Action: Create two meaningful S.M.A.R.T. goals

Please read my article on goals titled ‘How to Turn Your Dreams into Reality’ and create two meaningful S.M.A.R.T. goals. The goals may be as simple as ‘create scrapbook’, ‘volunteer for a charity for one month and record it in a journal’ or ‘read book on loss and follow exercises’ depending on the severity of your loss.

 

If you are feeling like you are recovering from your loss and ready to begin channeling your energies into something new you could be more ambitious like ‘create a bucket list and do one thing from the list each month’ or even ‘start a blog’ or ‘take up photography and create a portfolio of landscape photos’.

 

Whatever stage in your recovery you are, create a goal which is meaningful and healing to you. Some may be therapeutic, like creating a scrapbook and some may be aspirational, like taking up photography.

 

What S.M.A.R.T. goals did you come up with? If you already have goals did you make them S.M.A.R.T.? How healing and restorative do you think your goals are? Do you find focusing your energy in this way helpful in dealing with your loss? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Why letting go and moving on doesn’t mean you don’t care

Often when we are going through the pain of loss, we associate letting go and moving on with not caring as much, thinking instead that remaining in pain honors that which we have lost. Though it is understandable why we might think this, in reality those that have let go and moved on still retain the happy memories of that which they have lost, they have simply decided to let go of their pain and move forward positively.

 

If you also believe that letting go and moving on means you don’t care as much consider what advantages there are to the pain you are experiencing – I personally battled to find any real value in mine.

 

Indeed when we suffer from loss there are many opportunities for growth, including self-compassion, compassion for others, forgiveness, empathy, gained wisdom – even fostering greater emotional strength and resilience. I for one would never trade the struggles I have faced for anything, as they have allowed me to grow in a way that otherwise would not have been possible.

 

Do you believe letting go and moving on means you don’t care as much? Can you find any real value in your pain? If you have overcome this belief how did you do so? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

How to forgive yourself if you feel responsible

Forgiveness is truly healing, for both those that forgive and those that are forgiven. But what happens when we are dealing with loss and forgiveness is not offered or is impossible because those who could forgive have passed away?

 

When I asked for forgiveness it was not forthcoming. I struggled for ages with the notion that I would not receive the forgiveness I desperately wanted. Needed even. Whilst I was seeking forgiveness I was paralyzed, unable to let go and move on as I thought that was the only way I could be free. In time I realized that the reason I was so desperate for forgiveness was because I hadn’t yet forgiven myself.

 

Once I knew I had done everything I could to apologize and seek forgiveness, I realized that the only solution in order to really be able to let go and move on, was to forgive myself. Once I did, a great deal of healing took place. I felt more whole again, I felt freer. That was the beginning of my journey towards letting go and moving on.

 

If you are struggling to forgive yourself, every time you feel guilt or shame about how you behaved repeat this mantra in your head:

 

‘I did the best I knew how to at the time, given my life experience’

 

This in no way excuses your behavior but it will help you see things in context, with more self compassion. If you struggle with being self compassionate, please read my article titled ‘How to Silence Your Inner-Critic and Become Your Own Best Friend’ which is jammed packed with expert advice from leaders in the field, on how to be more self-compassionate.

 

The truth is we all make mistakes, sometimes with awful consequences. We need to offer ourselves self compassion and forgiveness first, before we can extend compassion and forgiveness to others.

 

Remember, if you are holding onto resentment, you are failing to let go and move on as well. If you are holding onto anger and resentment over a past hurt, please read my article titled ‘How to Liberate Yourself By Overcoming the Three Blocks to Forgiveness’.

 

In truth, both receiving and giving forgiveness is essential to have healthy hearts which are free from the diseased emotions of resentment and shame.

 

Do you need to forgive yourself? Are you holding on to resentment and anger? Can you see the advantages of offering forgiveness? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

 

Letting Go In Action: Try out your top three hobbies in the next three months

Try out your top three creative hobbies that you selected yesterday and spend one month on each hobby.

 

If you try one you don’t like, just choose one of the remaining two hobbies you selected instead.

 

Are you hopeful that the creative hobbies you selected will be cathartic? What hobbies did you select? Did you think of any of your own to try that weren’t featured on the list? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Letting Go In Action: Select three hobbies to try out

If you haven’t already read ‘How to Design A More Fulfilled Life By Being Creative in 6 Simple Steps’ and select the five hobbies you would like to try out most.

 

Having a creative hobby will promote self-expression and be cathartic, invaluable when dealing with loss.

 

Do you have any creative pursuits? Have you ever tried out hobbies in the past? Are there any creative hobbies in the article not listed that you think should be? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Letting Go In Action: Read my article on creativity and think about which hobbies appeal to you

Take ten minutes to read my article on creativity and hobbies, titled ‘How to Design A More Fulfilled Life By Being Creative in 6 Simple Steps’, think about which hobbies appeal to you most for tomorrows exercise.

 

Having a creative hobby will promote self-expression and provide you with much needed fulfillment, a very therapeutic exercise for those suffering from loss.

 

Can you see the value in having creative hobbies? What was your main takeaway from the article? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

Positive signs you are letting go

It would have saved me a lot of uncertainty had I known the positive signs to look out for that I was beginning to move on.

 

If you are unsure if you are making progress in letting go and moving on, please see below for the signs you are on the right track…

 

  • Ruminating less
  • Crying less
  • Having more energy
  • Daily tasks are less difficult
  • Your concentration levels improve
  • Things that had lost their enjoyment following the loss, you begin to enjoy again
  • You go out to see friends and talk about your loss less or sometimes not at all
  • You go out to see friends and think about your loss less or sometimes not at all
  • Your passion for your hobbies returns
  • Your motivation and drive increases

 

I hope you find this list encouraging as you continue on your journey to let go and move on. And for those of you who are not there yet, I hope this list serves as compass, showing you what to look out for in your path to recovery.

 

Have you noticed these signs of recovery in yourself and if so are you encouraged by this? Are there any signs of recovery in letting go and moving on that I have missed out? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

 

Why there is always hope of a fulfilling and meaningful future

In my darkest hour it was unimaginable to me that things could get better. Things seemed irrecoverably broken. I realize now that there is always hope for a fulfilling and meaningful future, no matter how much you might be suffering in the present. Things may look different to how you envisaged them but that doesn’t mean life can’t ever be meaningful again.

 

If you are struggling to imagine your future in light of your loss, try to start small. Imagine being close to those you love who are still with you. Imagine supporting the charities closest to your heart and the rewarding feeling that will give you.

 

Once I had recovered from my breakdown (I now call it a breakthrough) in 2009, I found a way to turn the situation around by helping others going through similar difficulties by starting this blog.

 

For you it may be as simple as volunteering for a local charity which resonates with your loss. Whatever action you decide upon, bringing good out of an otherwise awful situation has an extremely healing effect.

 

Never give up hope, there is a better future awaiting you, I promise.

 

Once you believe that life will get better, I would encourage you to read my article on positivity titled ‘How to avoid a negative downwards spiral by using the power of positivity’ which examines the ways we can cultivate a more positive outlook.

 

Can you imagine a meaningful future yet? Did you think of any ways you use your loss and channel it into something positive, like charity work? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

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