liberation

How to Liberate Yourself by Overcoming the 3 Blocks to Forgiveness Part Four

Picture courtesy of Shutterstock

Picture courtesy of Shutterstock

 

The healing process…

 

Invariably the healing process is not linear, it isn’t a straight line on a graph. There will be peaks and troughs. During times when you are revisited by difficult feelings, return to the strategies you adopted when first trying to forgive.

 

Many people mistakenly think they cannot forgive, simply because they encounter difficulty after they have initially forgiven someone. In order to avoid this pitfall be mindful that the forgiveness and healing process can be lengthy. It is nonsensical to think there won’t be difficulties along the way. So if you experience difficulties after deciding to forgive someone, be comforted by the fact that this is to be expected and persevere.

More

How to Liberate Yourself by Overcoming the 3 Blocks to Forgiveness Part Three

Picture courtesy of Shutterstock

Picture courtesy of Shutterstock

 

How to overcome the 3 blocks to forgiveness and forgive…

 

3) Humiliation and shame

 

When we experience humiliation our first instinct is to run and hide. When we experience shame our first instinct is to lash out. Usually humiliation is followed by shame. The reason why these two feelings are particularly detrimental to forgiveness is that they impact upon our perception of self, which is linked to our self-worth. When our self-worth is threatened, our fight or flight response is triggered, and we either explode or implode, which are both obstacles to forgiveness.

 

When you are in a state of shame or humiliation try to alter your perspective and consider whether this situation will be significant ten or twenty years from now. If you believe it would remain significant, consider what you would think if this happened to a friend. Would you judge or think any less of her? I imagine probably not.

 

By shifting your perspective you will be able to step outside of your humiliation and shame and see your situation in a larger context.

More

How to Liberate Yourself by Overcoming the 3 Blocks to Forgiveness Part Two

Forgiveness Article Shutterstock

Picture courtesy of Shutterstock

How to overcome the 3 blocks to forgiveness and forgive…

 

Initially I knew I wanted to let go of my anger but beyond talking about it, I didn’t know how. What I realised in the process of forgiveness, was that there were three fundamental blocks to my being able to forgive. These blocks had caused me to remain stuck and had hindered my efforts to forgive effectively. Initially, rather than acknowledging these as blocks to my being able to forgive, I felt entitled and chose to indulge them, thereby causing me even greater distress.

It was through trial and error, and a great deal of thought, that I realised I needed to adjust my approach if I wanted to be able to move past these blocks. Below I have outlined the approaches which helped me move towards forgiveness.

 

1) Pride

 

Our egos can be very fragile things. When someone hurts us it is natural for our sense of pride to be hurt also. Pride can make us want to seek revenge. Pride believes it is protecting us from future hurt by encouraging us to punish the other person. But there is one fatal flaw in prides logic. The person most hurt by punishing the other, and thereby holding onto pain and resentment, is us.

 

By acknowledging this truth, we can more effectively stop our pride from blocking our ability to forgive.

  More

Why forgiveness does not equal ‘It’s ok’

 

Have you ever thought that forgiving someone meant accepting or condoning poor behavior?

 

Well you’re not alone, this is one of the most dangerous misconceptions about forgiveness out there and until five years ago I believed the very same thing. This misconception about the nature of forgiveness is particularly destructive because it undermines the strength of character that one must have in order to forgive and suggests that in fact weakness of character is akin to forgiveness, the exact opposite of reality!

More