positivity

A Detox For The Soul: How To Eradicate Gossip For A Lighter, Happier Existence Part Five

Photo Courtesy of Bigstock

Choosing To Focus On The Positive Continued…

 

Practice Gratitude

 

When I practice gratitude I can’t help but feel positive. It allows me to focus on all I have in life rather than defaulting to the things I might lack. It changes the glass from being half empty to half full.

 

A wonderful way to do this is to think of one thing you are grateful for each day. This might sound cliché but it really works. Soon you will be looking for things to be grateful for and before you know it, you’ll appreciate just how much you have in life.

 

It took me a while to get into this habit but now I feel grateful most days, having increased my sense of happiness in a profound way.

 

Why don’t you try thinking of something to be grateful for every day for thirty days? You have nothing to lose and it could bring you such joy and happiness.

 

Use Affirmations And Visualize

 

This is something I have done intermittently but am recommitting to do on a more regular basis. Phrase your affirmations in the present tense and try to say them ten times each day whilst looking in the mirror. Some popular affirmations are:

 

  • I love and accept my authentic self completely
  • I can do anything I set out to
  • Everything in my life is working for my ultimate good and as it should
  • I forgive all those that have wronged me in the past and let go of all negativity
  • I am achieving excellence
  • I have an abundance of energy and am totally healthy
  • I have a wealth of inner resources to conquer any and every challenge I face
  • My old habits have gone, my new, more healthy and empowering habits, have now taken root in my life

 

Another wonderful tool to boost positivity – which new research has suggested allows us to reach our goals faster – is to use visualization. The critical element which the research picked up on was that if we visualize achieving our goals our motivation decreases, however, if we visualize how we will go about achieving our goals, our motivation increases and we are likely to achieve them faster.

 

I visualize by listening to chill out music, with lit candles all around my room whilst looking at my dream board and planning how I will achieve my dreams.

 

Practice Hope For The Future And Optimism

 

I’ve often confused hope and optimism for the same thing. They are related, however there is a subtle difference. Whereas hope is grounded in an expectation and a desire for something to happen, optimism focuses on that thing turning out well. We need both to fully embrace positivity in our lives.

More

How to recover from a toxic relationship with a narcissist

 

The devastation a narcissist can leave in their wake can be awful. As someone who has rebuilt their life after a toxic relationship with a narcissist I can say that life can be happy, meaningful and beautiful again, however unlikely that may seem when you first make the split.

 

Below are my top tips in order of priority for recovering from a toxic relationship with a narcissist, please do let me know if you have any tips of your own to add.

 

  1. Narcissists can work to isolate you from friends and family to gain more control over you. Take time to nurture relationships with friends and family to strengthen your support network and explain to them why you maybe haven’t seen them much during your last relationship.

 

  1. Most narcissists lack boundaries and often they may expect to dictate how you spend your free time (which they usually say has to be with them). One of the first steps towards healing should therefore be to learn assertiveness so as to protect you from similar hurt in future. Please read ‘How to free yourself and assert your rights’ which looks at how to protect your own personal rights that you were born with. Please also read ‘Assertiveness: A Journey Worth Taking’ to discover how to create healthy boundaries in your future relationships.

More

The Resilience Remedy; How to Bounce Back From Tough Times Fast Part Two

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

 

Last week we discovered the signs to look out for when we are at risk of a set back or a breakdown. This week we look at what to do to reduce the severity of either a set back or a breakdown and how we can begin building up our resilience pro-actively.

 

What to do to if you are showing any of the signs listed in last Monday’s series post and how to prevent things getting worse

 

If you are or do experience any of the risky signs that you are headed for a breakdown I cannot emphasize enough how vital it is that you seek professional help by both going to your doctor and a therapist. Please go to the UKCP (UK residents) or APA (American residents) sites which have ‘search for a therapist’ facilities on both websites. If for whatever reason you cannot seek professional help in the form of therapy (and please do absolutely everything you can to make it possible) I would recommend visiting your doctor and potentially getting him or her to sign you off work for stress.

 

If you are suffering from anxiety, depression or stress to whatever degree I would also encourage you to look through my best resources page which is packed with excellent CBT based free online courses – all of which are recommended by top therapists. Likewise, my  further reading page has some amazingly good CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) based books which are recommended by top therapists and will help you on your journey to recovery more than you could imagine.

 

Similarly, if you are suffering with stress I would also highly recommend reading my CBT based stress management article titled ‘Tis’ The Season to be Stressed; How to Leave Stress Behind You for Good’ which holds true no matter what time of year and could substantially reduce your stress levels. It explains exactly what to do when you feel overwhelmed and goes into detail as to how to reduce your demands and increase your resources which should result in a considerable reduction in stress.

 

But how can we develop greater resilience as a preventative measure against future upsets? In the passages below I have outlined the tools for resilience that I discovered in therapy and have also added several additional tools and beliefs that I have adopted since beginning my own personal development journey. All of the tools helped me develop high levels of resilience and I am positive they will help your resilience soar to new heights so you can quickly get back on track when hard times hit.

 

More

Why Negativity Harms Dreams and What to do About it

 

I have to admit, I wasn’t always as positive and upbeat as I am now. I used to see the glass as half empty most, if not all, the time. What changed was that when I reached an all time low back in 2009 I had no choice but to accept that my pessimistic outlook was contributing to my depression and was very destructive for me. Although not everyone who is pessimistic becomes depressed, having a negative bias never enhances our life – in fact, quite the opposite!

 

Activities such as reading or watching the news, gossiping or even suspecting the worst outcome in situations leads us to have a cloudy outlook even though our life conditions may be perfectly sunny. Negativity can become such an ingrained habit that even when things are going well for us we treat the positive developments in our lives with suspicion and distrust, looking instead for what could go wrong.

 

The danger is that the more innately negative we are, the more likely we are setting ourselves up for negative outcomes. For example, if I wanted to start my own business and had a negative outlook, I might work really hard still but I would more than likely predict that the venture was unlikely to succeed, leading me  to be less inclined to persevere and more inclined to give up sooner than say, an optimist would. It becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy, a tragic playing out of our own created expectations. But can we ever really change from a negative to a positive bias? Ab-sol-utely!

More

Feeling Down? How to Get Yourself Back on Track to Feeling Great

 

It’s natural in life to feel down at times, a hard break-up, a loss of any kind or even conflict with those we care about can cause our mood to plummet. In 2009 I went through such a time, it seemed that my world was crumbling. Thankfully I had world class treatment that taught me how to handle such times for the future. One of the main strategies I learnt was the skill of rewarding and treating myself.

 

Sounds simple I know, and for the most part it is, however when you are feeling low, creating a reward system or treating yourself can often be the furthest thing from your mind. Below I have outlined both an effective reward system and wonderful treats that you can use if you are ever feeling low – feel free to use as is or adapt it to suit you (for example, you might not even like hot chocolate). I keep my list in the back of my diary so it’s always to hand when I might need it!

 

Reward System

 

Give yourself tasks to do which are fun, relaxing or achievement based. If you are feeling very low then these tasks would be quite small and, if just a little low, you may wish to create bigger tasks so no matter how you are feeling, after completing the tasks, you feel like you have achieved something significant.

 

Now create treats to reward yourself once you have completed each task. Below are a list of treats to indulge in. You may wish to copy these directly or create your own tailored to suit you. Typically, the bigger the achievement, the bigger the treat.

More

How to Avoid a Negative Downward Spiral by Using the Power of Positivity Part Four

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week is the grand finale where we see what practical steps we can take to adopt a more positive outlook!

 

Steps to foster a positive outlook:

 

I have outlined what actions I took to eradicate my negative mindset and create a positive outlook, so that you too can increase your positivity and happiness.

 

 

More

How to Avoid a Negative Downward Spiral by Using the Power of Positivity Part Three

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

llll

This week we continue to explore the 8 key gains of adopting a positive outlook.

 

The 8 gains of a positive outlook:

 

5.       Positivity sees failure as opportunities to learn and grow. Any possible failures are seen as learning curves which can help us to see where we went wrong and enable us to adjust our future approach to goals, situations or problems accordingly.

 

6.      Critically, positive people focus on finding solutions to problems rather than negative people who can be more myopic and focus on the problem itself without a wider, outcome focussed approach.

More

How to Avoid a Negative Downward Spiral by Using the Power of Positivity Part Two

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

kkkkk

Last week we saw how others negativity and our own can cause us to enter into a negative downward spiral, this week we explore the 8 key gains of adopting a positive outlook.

 

The 8 gains of a positive outlook:

 

Beyond the scientific evidence which supports the many benefits of being positive, positivity leads to a happier, more fulfilling life. Below are the nine key psychological advantages of fostering a positive mental attitude:

 

  1. Positivity enables us to see the best possible outcomes and leads us to feel inspired. When I was positive at my job in London I remember feeling excited for the future and being inspired to be creative and try new things. The more I visualised my future being happy and successful, the more inspired l became. Inspiration leads to an increased capacity for creativity. I often say creativity is self-expression in its truest form. Once we are inspired to express ourselves creatively, we naturally feel more at peace with our own individuality – what a wonderful by-product of inspiration and creative self-expression!

 

  1. Positive people also anticipate success rather than failure which feeds into our motivation and consequently reduces the likelihood that we will give up. When we envisage positive outcomes of challenging problems or situations, we automatically increase our resolve to persist until a positive outcome is reached, in line with our expectations.

More

How to Avoid a Negative Downward Spiral by Using the Power of Positivity Part One

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

Picture courtesy of Openphoto

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

kkkkkkk

Recently I was working as a receptionist in an ongoing temporary placement. I couldn’t have been happier – I found the work easy and enjoyable, the people were really welcoming and friendly and the pay was good.

 

As I progressed in my placement and became closer to my colleagues I was told nightmare stories about the boss who allegedly intimidated his workers and ruled with an iron fist. At no point whilst working there did I see any behaviour of his that I would class as out of the ordinary however the stories inevitably coloured my experience of how I perceived the workplace.

 

About a month into the placement my colleagues began to gossip to me about nearly all of their  in turn. At first I felt awkward and then before long I felt as if I were expected to agree with the comments, thereby joining in on the gossip myself. This process happened so subtly that I was soon privy to all manner of gossip, from how one new employee was too negative to how needy another was.

 

It wasn’t long before I started to become more negative, focussing on the flaws in people as opposed to my more typical empathetic and positive attitude towards others. It was as if the negativity I was surrounded by was breeding negativity in me, like a virus spreading through my body.

More

The Many Roads To Happiness…

 

“People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” H Jackson Browne

 

Whilst there are certain universal principles which lead to greater happiness, like living in line with ones values for example, the path to happiness is just as unique and varied as each of us. Although our humanity unites us all, we each have idiosyncrasies and distinctly individual likes and dislikes. What brings me laughter and joy, another may not even find funny, and so it is with happiness. Even the basic principles of happiness, like living by ones values, are different for everyone. What struck me most about readers’ comments was the diversity of them, however, this should not really have been surprising when considering the wide spectrum of human nature.

More