If Disney is anything to go by once you’ve found your soul mate you walk into the sunset and live happily ever after. Sadly, this version of soul mates really is the stuff of fiction. Whilst finding your soul mate is beyond wonderful real life tough times still happen and inevitably conflict will occur. The fundamental difference is that when you are with your soul mate and these tough times hit, you both have an unshakable resolve to work through any difficulty – you both are committed to making things work, no matter what.
One of the best ways to preserve the romance in any relationship is to let your partner know how much you appreciate them. Do thoughtful things that let them know you are thinking of them. If you are married with kids have designated date nights when it is just you in a romantic setting. Show each other your love in practical ways by doing the chores the other hates. Never ever forget to tell the other how much you love them, often and sincerely. And always remember their likes and dislikes.
For example, my boyfriend knows I find it hard to wake up in the morning so he keeps some galaxy chocolate beside my bed because he knows once he points to it in the morning I will wake up. Funny I know, but very thoughtful and sweet too.
Romance central; How to cultivate healthy intimate relationships and get the most out of your love life Part One
It’s hard to believe but this year I will be thirty five. When I was just seventeen I entered into a destructive relationship which taught me that my thoughts, opinions, beliefs and feelings just didn’t count; the relationship had made me forget my inherent worth. When I finally made the break I was petrified of being alone. I didn’t like myself very much and being in my own company with no one or nothing to distract me scared me silly, I could think of nothing worse.
But something deep within me knew that being alone, truly alone, was exactly what I needed. I didn’t really know who I was anymore, my sense of identity lost itself as it was slowly but surely replaced by his. His opinions, his beliefs, his family, his life.
So I embarked on a journey, having no idea where it would lead. All I knew was that it was a journey I needed to go on, a journey comprised of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, one on one psychotherapy, Tony Robbins and faith. During this time my friends and family supported me through the inevitable ups and downs. The loneliness, the anger and the confusion. The letting go, the forgiveness, the elation at finding myself again and in the empowerment I experienced.
Once I worked on my self-esteem and liked myself again I crafted a life that brought me joy and happiness, a life that nurtured my creative spirit and celebrated those I loved. It was a six year journey, but it only took two years for me to be happy again. With every year I grew more and more in love with the life I had created. I had male friends again, my creativity flourished, I landed a managerial job and I even decided to start this blog so I could reach out to others that might be facing similar struggles.
Although I was the happiest I had ever been in my life I thought that it might be nice to share my happiness with someone, a partner, maybe even a soul mate. But this time my motivations were completely different, I didn’t need a partner out of fear of being alone, I simply wanted one.
So I joined eHarmony. I have to be honest, most of the guys on the site looked like either geeks, arrogant bankers or play boys looking for one thing. Just as I was about to cancel my subscription I saw a hunk of a guy. He had the most handsome smile I think I’ve ever seen. His eyes were intoxicating and looked so genuine I almost got lost in them. So we started talking, first on the site, then on WhatsApp, then on the phone. Soon after we had our first date; it was nine hours but it felt like three. Being in his company felt so effortless.
By jennyleigh in Romantic Relationships No Comments Tags: dating, healthy intimate relationships, healthy relationships, hot topic, intimate relationships, love life, romance, unhealthy intimate relationships, unhealthy relationships
Next month’s series is all about how to cultivate healthy intimate relationships and get the most out of your love life! I’ve designed the series so it’s just as applicable for singletons seeking relationships as for those already in relationships and I’m really excited to share some tips and tricks to keep the spark, deep connection and appreciation between you and your partner alive.
In this series we will explore:
- Warning signs to look out for that you are in a toxic or abusive relationship
- Unhealthy relationship models – the dynamics that foster unhealthy intimate relationships and why
- Unhealthy relationship behaviors and how to avoid them
- Healthy relationship model – the dynamic that fosters healthy fulfilling intimate relationships
- Healthy relationship behaviors; how and why they nurture your relationship (including the brownie points game)
I’m so excited to hear your thoughts on this series as they weeks pass by, please do comment! I have to say this was by far one of the most enjoyable series to write and I hope it will guide you towards a fun, loving and fulfilling intimate relationship or serve to strengthen your existing one.
Wishing you all a truly wonderful week!
x X x Jenny x X x
Last week we looked at the areas of body and health, hobbies and interests and relaxation in our life audit. This week we explore the areas of family and friends and romance.
7) Family and Friends
Relationships are critical to our psychological and even physiological health. At the time of conducting my first life audit I hardly ever saw my friends and family. It was clear this area of my life needed a great deal of work. I scored a four out of ten.
Since becoming aware of how seldom I saw friends and family, I prioritized seeing them on a regular basis and the relationships in my life are now much stronger as a result.
For many years I lived by default. I tended to neither plan ahead nor set goals. I was directed by the winds of change and whichever direction the wind blew was where I ended up, completely by chance. When I was twenty nine that all changed. Anxious about turning thirty, I decided to face my fear of failure and be brutally honest about how far away I was from realising my dreams.
Although it was a difficult process, this wasn’t by any means a morbid endeavour – quite the contrary – it was inspired by my desire to fulfil my dreams. I knew that in order to achieve what I wanted I first needed to be honest about where I was, so I could navigate myself to where I wanted to be. I then brainstormed what I might want to accomplish, acquiring as many different ideas as possible.
I soon called how I took stock of my achievements and imagined my possible future accomplishments, a life audit. This process has served me so well that I now conduct one at the beginning of every New Year, to help me evaluate where I am, and consciously think about what I might want to unfold in the year ahead.