Make Up, Make Up, Never Ever Break Up? Why We Can Walk Away And Still Forgive
When I decided to forgive my friend I knew that ultimately I wanted to try to reconcile. She was one of my best friends and, although she hurt me very deeply and what I chose to forgive was considerable, our friendship was very important to me.
I remember talking about it with her for ages when we met for the first time after I found out. I was assertive and had planned what I was going to say, how I would say it (in a measured, non accusatory tone of voice) and what I wanted from her (not to do it again, obviously). We spoke about what had happened several times before I built up the strength to reconcile with her.
There may be someone who is very important in your life who has wronged you and it is understandable that you would want to salvage that relationship. The only thing I would say is that one of the reasons I was able to reconcile with my friend was because we were both willing to have difficult conversations in order to repair the friendship which I think is a prerequisite to repairing any damaged relationship.
If however the person doesn’t show remorse or a willingness to engage in talks about what happened, let alone offer reassurance it won’t happen again, you may be in a position whereby reconciliation isn’t possible or even desired on your part. And that’s ok! It is absolutely possible to fully forgive someone without having them in your life. And guess what? You can still achieve the same level of peace and calm should reconciliation not be possible or desired.
All you need to do in order to forgive is to overcome the three blocks to forgiveness…
- Hatred and resentment
- Shame and humiliation
… Simple right? Of course it takes great strength to forgive and goodness knows I’ve struggled with these blocks but throughout this hot topic I’ve taken great care to explain how I’ve successfully overcome them.
Once you have committed to forgiving the person, and have taken steps to overcome these blocks to forgiveness, you will naturally let go of all the anger and hostility so you can liberate yourself and regain your inner peace, finding harmony again.
See this past Monday’s post for more details on how to overcome pride and hatred and resentment, as well as tomorrows post which offers more suggestions at how to overcome pride.
Stay tuned for next week’s posts too which will explore hatred and resentment and shame and humiliation close up.
Have you ever thought that forgiveness and reconciliation was the same thing? Have you ever reconciled with someone after you forgave them? Have you ever forgiven someone without reconciling? Was it the right decision for you? Please share your wisdom so we can all grow together, I’d love to hear from you.
Following using psychology to transform my life, I founded Accessible Psychology to help empower others to live the life they long for. My journey is living testimony that no matter where you are, absolutely everyone can apply psychology in order to lead more fulfilling lives.
Oh and I love Oprah, Marie Forleo, Tony Robbins and lovely people like you!