One of the easiest ways to do a life audit is to just ask yourself ten questions for each area of your life and then give yourself a score to find out how to rate yourself.
Below I’ve outlined ten questions for the romance life area so you can easily assess where you’re currently at – simply give yourself a score out of ten for each question with one being awful and ten being excellent, with no room for improvement. And just in case you were wondering, this is designed for singletons too!
- Are you happy as an individual, by yourself?
- Is your self-esteem tied to the opposite sex? (Scoring: Completely = 1, Not at all = 10)
- Are you happy with the amount of romance in your life?
- Do you go on dates either if you’re single or within your relationship?
- Do you seek out new and exciting things to do in order to meet the opposite sex or to do with your partner?
If you are single score yourself between 1 and 20 for each of the first five questions above. If you are in a relationship answer all ten questions and score yourself between 1 and 10 for each.
- Do you have open and honest communication with your partner using empathy, diplomacy and active listening?
- Do you explore the intimate side of your relationship with honesty, sensitivity and tact?
- How often do you criticize your partner? (Reverse scoring: All the time = 1, Hardly ever = 10)
- How often do you compliment your partner on their appearance?
- How often do you express your love and appreciation for your partner?
Now add up your total score. Below is the scoring key:
1-10 = 1 mark out of 10 (poor)
11-20 = 2 marks out of 10
21-30 = 3 marks out of 10
31-40 = 4 marks out of 10
41-50 = 5 marks out of 10
51-60 = 6 marks out of 10
61-70 = 7 marks out of 10
71-80 = 8 marks out of 10
81-90 = 9 marks out of 10
91-100 = 10 marks out of 10 (amazing)
The healthy relationship model…
One of the first things I learnt when I entered into therapy was what they call the healthy relationship model. Think of two circles, each representing a person. In a healthy relationship each person – or circle – has half of their life outside of the relationship and half overlapped with the other persons life – or circle. So in a healthy relationship only half of your life is shared, the other half is filled with your goals, career, friends, family, interests and hobbies.
Ways to meet people…
In reality there are so many ways to meet like minded people – here are just a few:
- Meet up groups (worldwide)
- Clubs (photography, running, book)
- Classes (painting, writing, English literature, exercise classes)
- Speed dating
- Online dating
- Singles events
Fun date ideas…
- Movies and a meal
- Immersive cinema (Secret Cinema or Pillow Cinema, both UK based)
- Picnic in the park
- Riverside drinks
- Gambling brownie points or drinks with board games or a poker set (see brownie points game below)
- Tell two lies and a truth and have the other guess the true statement
- Immersive theatre (Punchdrunk Theatre, UK based)
- Comedy night
- River boat dinner and dancing cruise
- Weekend city break
- Walk through scenic countryside
First date questions…
There are simply too many interesting and fun first date questions to put here, needless to say Stumbleupon was my new best friend when it came to first dates. They have a whole section on ‘dating tips’ filled with entire articles surrounding interesting first date questions to ask – go check it out and you’ll never have a boring first date ever again.
The brownie points dating game… (for those who are actively dating)
I’ve recently invented something called the brownie points game. It’s a really good way of injecting fun and romance into any relationship. The rules are simple. Whenever your partner does something sweet, thoughtful, kind or romantic you score them, giving them brownie points and vice versa. For every one hundred brownie points I earn, my dating partner gives me a romantic surprise, which could be a meal or even theater tickets. Alternatively my partner may create what I call ‘top tier’ rewards, whereby the reward is revealed in advance (these are usually big ticket items, like buying a bike and teaching me how to ride one, taking me to a super nice restaurant or even Secret Cinema tickets) so as to incentivize me to work towards the prize!
The amazing thing about this game is it eradicates the typical dating games of playing hard to get and instead replaces it with romantic gestures and traditional courtship. Even more than this it encourages appreciation for your partners efforts whilst showing them what type of affection you value most.
Try the brownie points game today – I’d love to hear how you get on!!
Crystal Clear Questions
Do you feel fulfilled in your romantic life? If not, how could you inject some fun into your single life / dating relationship?
Do you criticize your partner? How could you do this less and turn the focus back to appreciation more?
Do you follow the healthy relationship model? If not, how could you address this so your relationship fitted into your life in a more balanced way?
Do you have any of your own fun ideas for dates? Have you checked out the ‘dating tips’ section of Stumbleupon yet? What do you think of the brownie points game? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.
Following using psychology to transform my life, I founded Accessible Psychology to help empower others to live the life they long for. My journey is living testimony that no matter where you are, absolutely everyone can apply psychology in order to lead more fulfilling lives.
Oh and I love Oprah, Marie Forleo, Tony Robbins and lovely people like you!