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How To Ensure You Don’t Lose Yourself In A Relationship

Wow, I have ample experience of this one! When dating someone who is possessive and controlling or even when in a perfectly happy and healthy relationship it can be easy to adopt your partners way of thinking, behaving and even possibly feeling. In the honeymoon stages this can be natural as you are on your best behaviour and want to impress. Let me be clear though, this article doesn’t relate to the honeymoon stage – what I am referring to here is later on down the line when the rose tinted glasses are off and you are in a fully fledged relationship.


What I am speaking about is when your partner expresses a different opinion to you and you don’t vocalize your differing opinion, or when you agree to let your partner dictate what you do and when you do it. It might seem harmless enough but it is a slippery slope that can make you feel lost inside over time.


Here are my top tips for not losing yourself in your romantic relationship:


  • Assert yourself diplomatically and express your opinions, thoughts, beliefs and feelings openly, allowing your partner to do the same
  • Maintaining your own interests and hobbies
  • Keep nurturing your friendships which were established before your relationship began and are independent from your partner
  • Spend quality time with friends alone (i.e. when not with your partner)
  • Ensuring your belief system remains intact and not significantly impacted by your partner
  • Not changing what you want out of life or your relationship to fit in line with your partners expectations or dreams
  • Never use your relationship as an excuse not to do something – if you feel you need to ask yourself why
  • Be open to trying out your partners interests and hobbies but be honest as to whether you like them


Have you ever gotten lost in a relationship like so many of us do? What percentage of time do you spend outside of a relationship typically? What amount of time outside of a relationship do you think is ideal and why? Please share your thoughts in the comments below to gain encouragement, insight and support from our community, we’d love to hear from you.

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