Last week we looked at asking questions to those that criticize us (negative inquiry). This week we explore how to agree with valid criticism, a technique called negative assertion. The following steps are only relevant to situations where you believe the criticism not to be malicious
Whenever I receive criticism it always helps – once I’ve digested things mind you – to talk it through with a friend. It’s important when considering which friend to talk it through with that you choose carefully. Someone too blunt and it can make your
For me working upon my self-esteem has been one of the most difficult and yet rewarding endeavors I have ever undertaken in therapy. One of the biggest lessons I learnt was that my character and my character alone was how I should measure how to
I recently had a situation at work whereby I needed to draw on all of my assertiveness training and assert myself to the most senior people in the company. Although I stood my ground it was incredibly stressful whilst I was working in what I
When role playing your responses to put downs, did you feel more in control of the direction of the conversation? How did the role play make you feel? How did it help you? Thinking about the role play in this way will enable you to
This is your opportunity to practice all the amazing things you would have said if you had thought of them in the moment (don’t worry very few of us do have an immediate reply to put downs). Remember the key is to stand up for yourself
Think back to a put down you received and go through what you would have liked to have said to them (HINT: Aim for an assertive response and avoid aggressive or sarcastic retorts). This can be a frustrating exercise but it’s worthwhile as tomorrow you get
Last week we examined how to distance ourselves from defensiveness, this week we explore the strategy of asking questions, a technique called negative inquiry. Ask Questions; Negative Inquiry This can be scary at first but it does get much easier with practice. Ask questions to better understand what
Malicious criticism usually takes the form of a planned and deliberate conversation and is easily enough exposed but what should you do when you receive an off the cuff put down? The tricky thing about put downs is that they often come by surprise and
If someone is criticizing you and you are not being defensive and keeping an open mind it doesn’t mean that you are a walkover or that you will necessarily agree with them. Indeed, there are times when criticism is strictly unfounded, malicious and entirely nonconstructive. By
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